nineteen

After the waiter came and took our orders, we just sorta started talking.

We discussed about food, the weather (cliché? I know!), the view and even music.

“So you like Jay-z a lot, huh?” Chris was saying as our food arrived. I had ordered

the crème brulee while he ordered Oysters. “Thanks” I called to the waiter then,

“Yup!” to Chris. “Yeah? So what else do you like Miss Thompson?” he asked folding

his napkin in his lap. Just as I was about to reply: “Many things”, Layefa pinged

me. I muttered “Excuse me” then hurriedly switched on the Silent mode on my

Blackberry. Seeing Layefa’s bbm picture made me feel terribly guilty. I had

completely forgotten about him once Chris walked into my office. I didn’t even reply

his last message (that I didn’t even know he sent!):

Is the dude there yet? Don’t worry now, hez probly stuck in traffic. Let me know

when he arrives sha so I won’t bother u guys. K?

I slipped my blackberry back into my bag, took a deep breath then said, “Well…um…you

know, it’s actually Mrs.Thompson”. I felt two feet tall immediately those words left

my mouth. I caught his eyes checking out my left hand just before he cried, “Oh, my

bad! I wonder how I missed that!”, “So what else do you like Mrs.Thompson?” He

really emphasized the ‘Mrs’. I smiled. “I like a lot of things”, I smoothened the

tablecloth with my hands, “You should call me Delores, though”.


At Layefa’s office…


“Mr.Olaoye is here, sir” Claire said over the intercom. “Are you serious?! Let him

in fast!” Layefa replied jumping from his seat. He hadn’t seen Daniel in a while and

he was pretty excited to see one of his best buddies.

“Bad guy!!! Warrit doooo?!! Ah ahn! Who dash you suit?” Layefa cried as Daniel

entered his office. They did that handshake with a slap on the back thing that guys

do before they finally broke into a hug (fronting too plenty!)

“Fuck you man! You know you’re digging it” Daniel joked straightening his suit.

He had never really been the suit-wearing guy so Layefa was pretty shocked to see

him all decked in a Gucci suit and T.M. shirt.

“Sit down, man” Layefa said, “On the real though, what’s with the suit? Where’re you

headed?”. “Wetin? Shey person no fit dress up again?”, Daniel replied pulling out a
chair.

“I’m meeting some hottie I met yesterday for lunch”. Nodding, Layefa rose to make

drinks for them. “You still drink Campari with iced tea abi?” he asked squatting to

open his mini fridge at the corner of the wall. “Yes oh. But dawg, seriously man,

you’re ballin’! corner office and all. Mr. T must be real proud” Daniel said. “Na so

we see am oh” Layefa replied mixing the drinks.


“Mr.Thompson? Miss.Ibrahim’s here” Claire said over the intercom. “Oh? Let her in

please” Layefa replied. Then to Daniel, “Brace yourself, homie”. Sitting up in his

chair, Daniel straightened his jacket and crossed his legs in a total George Clooney

fashion.

“Layefa dear!” Saida cried bursting into the room. She was wearing a grey pin-

striped low-cut pencil dress. “Saida! Hey!!” Layefa replied rising from his seat and

walking towards her. “C’mon gimme a hug” she said pulling him into an embrace. After

about ten long seconds, she finally let Layefa go.

“Oh hello” she said shoving Layefa aside once she glimpsed Daniel

eighteen

Its not like I didn’t know any chic outdoor restaurants in Lagos, it’s just that I

was so desperate to make an excellent impression. I could easily have suggested the

Lagoon restaurant or the Sky lounge but then I thought if me and Layefa eat there

often and we’re not even celebs, why should an international award-winning

photographer eat there?

I hurriedly googled ‘Classiest outdoor restaurants on the Lagos Island’. At the top

of the list were: The Oyster Lounge, Yellow Chilli Bar and Lounge and The Meridian

Hotel rooftop Café. The closest to us was the Meridian Hotel rooftop Café.

“Well, let’s get on our way!” I announced after I had saved their telephone number

on my cell phone. He got up, picked up his bag and headed for the door. I quickly

slipped my laptop into my case, grabbed my purse and cell phone and headed for the

door too.( and yeah, Chris took my case from me and held the door for me! charming much?)

“We’ll be at this address” I said to Bola scribbling the address of the Meridian

Hotel rooftop Café on a notepad. She nodded and called, “Bye!” as we headed for the

elevator.

“So you ever been to this restaurant we’re going?” Chris asked as the driver pulled

into the turning where the restaurant was. I shook my head and said, “There’s

nothing to worry about though, it has one of the best reviews ever written”. He

nodded and turned back to the window. About six minutes later, we drove into the

hotel premises.

“Impressive” Chris said. I smiled and nodded. He got out of the car quickly and held

my door open while I got out. I smiled “Thanks”. He bowed his head as we walked

towards the entrance. For a world-class photographer, Chris was rather modest (if I

do say so myself). The concierge ushered us to the executive elevator after I

flashed my card and introduced myself with a flawless British accent. Grinning to

myself, I squeezed a N500 note into his hands as he left us. Chris remained quiet

all through the ride to the roof.

After we had settled in at our table, I unpacked my laptop while Chris marvelled at

the wonderful scenery. Even I had no idea how beautiful and green Lagos was from up

high. You could hardly see any razz looking parts of the city from up there.

“The view of your city from up here is quite exquisite, Miss Thompson” Chris said

turning back to me. “You know, I was just gonna ask you what you thought”, I

replied, “But I didn’t want to interrupt you thoughts, you looked really engulfed by

the view”. “I did? I guess I was imagining how lovely pictures taken from here would

be”. He said sipping his wine. I nodded then said, “Well, thanks on behalf of all

Lagos indigenes”. I pushed my laptop as far away from me as possible then took my

first sip of my drink.

“You like the wine?” Chris asked looking deep into my eyes. I almost felt like he

could see through to my soul. I held his gaze for half a second then shrugged, “I

guess its okay”. Smirking, he took another sip and leaned in closer to the table

(never once taking his eyes off me). That was when I thought, Okay, he’s definitely

flirting with me.

seventeen

“Good morning, Mr.Laire”, I said in my most professional voice, “Please sit”. I

gestured towards the visitor’s chair. “Morning. Ms.Thompson is it? Thank you.” He

said taking his seat. I could have corrected him but I just didn’t think it was

relevant. I took my seat opposite him.

“Is that an Alexander McQueen?” He asked gesturing towards my skirt suit. The guy

was good oh. It was an Alexander McQueen. The only one I had. “This?” I asked

stroking my lapel, “Oh.Yes, it is. Fall collection 08” I said confidently. Don’t

try me mehn. Big babe like me. He nodded impressively as he set his laptop bag on

the floor beside him.

“I hope your trip wasn’t too stressful” I said. “Well, I’m not one to complain.

Lagos is quite refreshing compared to what I expected so…” he replied. “Oh, it’s

your first time? Forgive my manners! Welcome!” I said with a toothpaste commercial

smile. He smiled and said, “Why, thank you”. His mouth was so heavenly. He had

perfectly shaped white teeth and lips like Trey Songz (I swear!). I was so engulfed

in his face that I sorta just stared at him for about a minute. “So Mr.Laire…” I

began. “It’s Chris” he interjected. “Okay. So Chris, how do you like your coffee? Or

perhaps tea?” I said. Mrs.Obie would be sooo proud. “Oh. I’m good. Thank you. I’m

not much of a tea or coffee person”, he replied. My mouth shaped into an ‘O’. I made

a mental note to berate Bola for not finding that out. We had researched all we

could about him; his favourite food, how he liked to relax, his pet peeves, his

numerous ex-girlfriends, his clients. But we didn’t find anything about how he liked

his tea or coffee.

“I guess we should begin then” I said switching back to my professional voice.

“Sure” he said sitting up. I handed him all the legal papers. After he had gone over

them, he nodded and slipped them into his bag. “So what do you want to do first?

The interview? The briefing?” I asked. The goal was to make him feel at ease.

I noticed he wasn’t listening anymore. He was just staring straight at me. “Mr.

Laire?” I called. I knew he said to call him Chris but I didn’t want to seem

familiar too quickly.

“Oh forgive me”, he said, “You have such lovely eyes, I guess I was carried away”.

Mehn I blushed tire then said, “Thank you”. “So you were saying?” he asked. I

repeated my question. “I was thinking maybe we could have lunch, somewhere open, you

know look around. We could even have the interview over lunch.” He replied.

I felt so stupid that I hadn’t thought of that. For crying out loud, he was a

freaking photographer! Why on earth would I think he’d like an interview in the

privacy of my office?! Smiling I said, “Sure! I was thinking that but then I thought

you might prefer the cozy indoors”. He said, “I’m an outdoors man any day! So do

you have any places in mind?”. “One second” I said quickly turning to my laptop.

sixteen

Stepping out of a black 2009 Camry in a black wrap dress and yellow Manolos (you

heard me, yellow!) was Elohor! What the hell was she doing here? At this time?

She hurriedly crossed the street and slipped into our compound. “Is that Elohor?”

Layefa said driving in. Duh! Climbing out of the car, we walked towards the gate

where she was standing. “Elohor! What are you doing here?” Layefa asked hugging his

sister. “Hello Elohor”, I said quietly. “I was in the neighbourhood oh. I was just

like lemme check on my baby brother.” She replied tossing her hair. In the

neighbourhood, my ass! I’m sure the busybody came to check on us. She probably

noticed something was amiss between Layefa and me yesterday. “Oh, really” Layefa

said as we all headed for the front door, “We’re just on our way back from church.”.

She nodded.

Once we entered, I headed straight to the kitchen. I couldn’t risk Elohor

questioning my hosting skills. I set three glasses and a jug of apple juice on a

tray and carried it to the living room where Layefa and Elohor were sitting. “Here

you go” I said offering her a glass. “What is it?” she asked looking up at me. What

did it look like, Ode? I said in my mind. “It’s apple juice. It’s from M&S.” I

replied. Shaking her head she aid, “Eww. Please take it away. I don’t like apple

juice”. I set the glass down and didn’t even offer her anything else. I sat beside

Layefa on the two-seater couch. They talked about irrelevant nonsense for a while

before she finally said, “I’d better get going”. Stealing a glance at my watch, I

realised how time had passed. It was 9:30.

“Say hello to Emeka and the girls” I said as we walked her to her car. “Sure, I

will.” She said hitting the button on her keys to unlock her car. Just as she was

about to slip into her seat, she came back out and asked, “So is this the hair

y’all were in a hurry to go do?”. With a smirk she slipped back into her car and

revved her engine. I couldn’t believe my ears! Did she actually just diss my 5

grand haircut? She waved at us as she drove off. I turned to Layefa and he just

shrugged (as usual).
************************************************************************

“Bola, please call him again” I said to my assistant over the intercom. “Right away”

she replied. Chris Laire was really getting on my nerves. Who the hell did he think

he was anyway? I wasn’t going to give him the chance to cancel our appointment

again. Ah ahn, ki lo de? (Ah ahn, what is it?) I thought hissing. It was almost noon

and we still hadn’t heard from him.

As I was pacing about my office, Bola beeped me. “Did you get him?” I asked. “He’s

here!” she replied excitedly. “Huh? Here?” I asked. “Yes!” she confirmed. “Okay.

after exactly two minutes usher him in.” I replied. I smoothened my hair, hurriedly

re-arranged my desk and walked over to the door.

He knocked. I waited for about ten seconds then I opened the door. Lets just say, he

was beyond my expectations. Wayyy beyond.

Dang! There he was, six foot and a few inches tall, dark, rocking a fitted grey suit

with his Tyson Beckford frame. But trust homegirl now, I had to get over myself

fast. I quickly smiled and ushered him in.

fifteen

“You got your bible?” Layefa asked as he turned the key in the ignition. I nodded and he drove out. I turned on the car stereo and inserted my Lady Gaga CD. We sang along with the songs we knew but skipped the rest. I wore my jewellery and hurriedly applied my make-up.

“We’re late, shey?” Layefa asked as we approached the church building. “Not really sha” I replied unbuckling my seatbelt and stealing a glance at watch. It was just 6:07. Layefa quickly parked the car and we got out. We walked briskly hand in hand into the church. I waved at one of the ushers I was familiar with before we took our seats at one of the middle pews.

In the middle of the service while Pastor Tapu was preaching, Layefa tapped my thigh then whispered in my ear, “Have I told bout Saida at all?” I shook my head and gestured that I was tryna pay attention to the Gospel. “Sorry oh” he said pulling away. My baby could be so dense at times. Why would he pick the middle of the Gospel to tell me about some rude lady-friend of his? I wasn’t jealous sha so I poked him playfully in the ribs with my pen and said, “You should listen too”.

************************************************************************
“Girl you gon’ think, girl you gon’ think…” Layefa sang along with Trey Songz on the radio as we drove back home. “That Trey dude is rather hot oh” I said playing with his fingers. “He is?” Layefa asked. “Yes oh.He’s like the hottest thing on MTV right now. Seriously. You need to hear how Kiki’s younger sister was going on about him the last time I was at their house!” I said. “What is so special bout him sef? Those razz tattoos? Na wa oh! Girls!” Layefa said. Then we started arguing about the tattoos in question. In the middle of our argument whether trey’s tattoos were razz or cool, Saida called again.

“Hey Saida”, Layefa answered. “I’m all right. How bout you?” he said after she’d probably asked him how he was. “Is that right?” he said trying to choke back laughter. “You’re not serious Saida!” “I don’t know about that oh” “Where are you by the way? It’s rather noisy” “Me? Uh…that lekki road oh. Just passed Chicken Republic.” “I’m on my way home from church” “Yeah.Evening service”. “It’s inside phase 1.Yeah” “Really? Eeyahh.” “Like in about fifteen minutes”. He laughed out loud then, “Sure. All right then.” He laughed again then, “Okay, no problem. Later!” He hung up.

The babe must have been funnier than Chris rock cuz Layefa was still chuckling after he hung up. “Ehen! You said I haven’t told you about Saida?” he said turning towards me. “You’ve not told me oh”, I said, “Abeg eyes on the road oh” I added. Turning back to the road he said, “She works with the Lagos Development Bank. They’re partnering with us for this Fashola case”. I nodded. “She’s only twenty-eight but she’s one of the oga’s in the legal department. She’s so fucking smart! She even got a first class from Oxford!” he continued excitedly. “Wow. She sounds real smart. When did y’all pair up?” I threw in before he could sing the bitch anymore praises. “Just this Friday oh. But she’s like so friendly so once we exchanged numbers and email addresses, we just started flowing. Cant believe it skipped my mind to tell you.” Layefa replied. “Oh. I bet she is. She’s kinda pretty too” I said looking up at Layefa. He looked at me weirdly. That’s right buster! I saw her picture with half her breastices out, I said in my mind. “You saw the picture? Well, I guess she’s all right. Just there. You know how these Janded girls are now, when they get your number, they get your caller picture with it. I decided to get hers too. Just for fun, you know” he said as he drove into vgc. I was going to say “Layefa, that girl was not ‘Just there’ and you know it” but instead I said, “Uh huh”.
Just as Layefa pulled up in front of the house, you wouldn’t believe what I saw coming out from the car parked across the street.

fourteen

Drying my hands on my towel, I said, “Who is it?” “Some Tunde guy” Layefa replied handing me the phone. “Tunde?” I asked. The only Tunde that came to mind there and then was Tunde from accounting. I didn’t even know he had my phone number. “Delores, how are you?” he replied. Hearing the cheerful voice, I knew it was definitely Tunde Ojo. “Hi Tunde! I’m good oh. How u dey?” I said. “I jus dey oh. Just thought to check on you” he replied. “Awww. How sweet of you”. I said. “Yeah. That and I just heard some mother call her daughter Delores. As in I was so shocked that people actually still name their kids Delores” Tunde continued. “You’re not serious oh. What are you trying to say? That Delores is a yamayama name?” I joked. He laughed, then said “At all oh...don’t mind me joh. How is your husband?” “He is very well, thank you. How are your sister and her family?” I said. “They are all good, thanks to God. It was really nice talking to you today, Delores,” he replied. “Yeah, you too, Tunde. See you tomorrow?” I said. “Yeah, have a lovely day,” he replied. We hung up. I looked at Layefa. He had this ‘I’m-not-even-gonna-ask look. The last time we talked about Tunde, I was complaining about how his constant cheerfulness irritated me. I just shrugged and threw the phone back on the bed. As I headed to the closet to pick out an outfit, Layefa said, “It’s like I’m going to shower oh”. “Better be fast sha…”, I started to say when I saw the clock. “it’s four-thirty!”. The service started at six sharp so we had to leave the house by five or be late.
I picked out one of my favourite Ankara dresses and placed it on the bed. Just as I was picking shoes, Layefa’s phone rang. “Have a baby by me, baby, be a millionaire…” his phone blared. It took me about a twenty seconds to find it under the pillow.
It was some Saida chic. He even had her picture saved with her number. “Layefa! Phone!” I yelled opening the bathroom door. “Huh?” he asked.
I decided to just pick up. “Hello?” I said. “Sweetie…” a sultry female voice with a thick mixture of British and Hausa accent replied. I almost said “Sweetie? Bitch you must have the wrong number!” but my momma taught me better than that. And really, what was the big deal in a lady calling Layefa. I mean he was totally cool when he picked up Tunde’s call. Right?
Clearing my throat I said, “Uh…Layefa’s in the bathroom right now. He’ll call you back, ok?”. I can swear I heard her mutter, “Damn! I can imagine!”. But then she said, “Oh. Alright then.” She replied and hung up immediately. No thank you? Did I sound like a fucking receptionist? Hissing, I slipped on my dress and shoes.
“Dee, what were were you saying?” Layefa said coming out of the bathroom. “you had
a phone call,” I said, “Saida”. His mouth formed an ‘O’ as he hurriedly threw a shirt on. It was five minutes to five. We were practically late already.
“You picked up? What did she say?” he asked. “Oh. Nothing. Told her you’ll call her back”, I replied. He nodded just as he zipped up his trousers. “You ready?” he asked gesturing towards the clock. I grabbed my jewellery and make-up purse, stuffed them in my bag and said, “Yep, meet ya downstairs!” if he wasn’t going to talk about the Saida babe, why should I?

thirteen

“You like?” I said twirling in front of Layefa. I had just gotten back from the salon. Got my hair did finally. I couldn’t believe my natural hair could look so fab!
“Sexy,Sexy,and Sexy!” he cried excitedly.
We had stayed in all morning. I made one skenzy Mexican breakfast like this. Damn! It sure was yummy, if I do say so myself. I made a joke that Mexican food was so sexy, we should probably name one of our kids a Mexican name. We both laughed and started suggesting funny Mexican names. I hoped Layefa took the joke to mean that I took the previous night’s conversation seriously. I’m not saying my feelings about having kids changed overnight; I’m just saying I now have a more open mind.
“Why, thank you, Hun!” I said planting a kiss on his cheek, “Missed ya”. “Me too” he replied circling his hands around my waist. We had been al close and tight since last night. Layefa planted soft kisses on my lips as we stood locked in a tight embrace. I woulda loved for us to continue an all but I didn’t want to mess my hair up barely thirty minutes after getting it done.
“So, you wanna get ready for church?” I asked pulling away. “Aw,c’mon, we’ve got like two more hours to get ready”, Layefa said pulling me back. A smile escaped my lips. Abi this one thinks I’m ready to start trying for kids right now? “I need a shower, babe” I said. Feigning a sulk, he let go of my hands. Blowing him an apologetic kiss, I headed upstairs. I always showered after getting my hair done. All the hairspray and hair strands all over my back just got on my nerves. I turned on the heat while I undressed.
“♫You’re just like poison, slowly moving through my system…breaking all my defenses with time…you’re just like poison, and I just don’t get it how can something so deadly feel so right…♫.” I sang using my hair brush as a microphone.
“Ah ahn! E no easy oh…even Beyonce couldn’t have sung that better!” Layefa said slipping into the bedroom. Grinning, I threw the brush at him playfully. “Be psyching me oh”. He caught it and threw it back at me grinning too. “Ah, Dee, lemme tell you one crazy ass gist I heard today” Layefa said falling on the bed. “Tell me while I shower. I’ll leave the bathroom door open” I replied trying to fit my hair into a shower cap. There was no way my sexy hair would get wet. On the first day too.
I managed to get all my hair in then I climbed into the shower. “Oya start” I called to Layefa. “Ok. So Daniel called me today. He’s in real deep shit mehn” He started. He moved closer to the bathroom so I could hear him better. “So back in Chicago he was seeing this Indian chic. You know how those Indian babes are naww. Too good to be true and all”, He continued. “They aint got nothin’ on ya sha” he quickly added. “You got that right” I called from the bathroom. “Anyways, they had been seeing each other randomly for about a month when Daniel knocked her up” Layefa said. “Ahhh.Shettt.” I said. “That’s not even the crazy part oh. You know how religious and shit them Indians are? The babe was now trying to get him to marry her!” Layefa said. I chuckled at the thought. That was the sorta thing a Nigerian would be accused of doing not the other way around. He told me all about how the babe actually confessed that she stopped taking her pill on purpose. That she loved him and didn’t want to lose him blah blah blah. She even tried to bribe him with American citizenship. Layefa and I laughed so hard at that: An Indian trying to entice a fellow Immigrant with American citizenship. According to the babe, she was already processing her green card.
“Some girls are just crazy!” I said coming out of the bathroom. “I swear mehn” Layefa muttered. “So what’s Daniel gonna do?” I asked while I dried myself. “You mean what has he already done? My boy fled home strrraaiight!” Layefa answered checking himself out in the mirror. “You think I should shower too?” he asked. I shrugged heading back to the bathroom for my lotions.
“Feel it coming in the air…” my ring tone blared. “Baby! Please get my phone! My hands are wet!” I yelled. “Hello? Delores’ phone” I heard him say. “Who are you?” he sounded irritated. Who could it be? I thought poking my head out of the bathroom.

twelve.

After we had both changed out of our outfits, I headed for the kitchen to fix us drinks. I’m not much of a drinker so I mixed three quarters of sprite with a quarter of red wine. I called it Red Spriza. I carried the glasses to the living room where Layefa was sitting. “Thanks, baby” he said taking his drink. “So, uh…well, it seems like you have really good taste in baby things” I said searching for words. Ever since he told me, my mind had been wandering non-stop. I was thinking a gazillion thoughts at once. Did he really want kids? Was that why he’d been acting weird? Was he even telling the truth? Could he have constructed the story on the way home? Did I have any reason to be skeptic? Since when did Layefa find it hard to talk to me? I tried my best to control the whirlwind of thoughts though.
“I guess. But baby, shey you know there’s no pressure. Really, this is up to you. I just thought we should talk about it cuz we haven’t in a while and our minds may have changed since the last time we had this whole kids or no kids talk” he replied. I sipped my drink and nodded. I didn’t really have much to say. My mind surely hadn’t changed. That’s not to say I couldn’t try to change it though.
“There’s something else.” Layefa said placing his drink on the table. He rubbed his palms together, took a deep breath then looked up at me. The expression on my face was: what the hell is it this time, Layefa? I was really getting tired of listening to explanations.
“Remember when I said mom hadn’t gotten the results of her check-up exam?” he started. I nodded then he said, “Well, they found a lump in her right breast”. I didn’t even know when I jumped out of my seat. “OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! JESUS!” I cried throwing myself at Layefa. But she seemed so healthy, I thought. No wonder she couldn’t make the get-to-together!
“Chill, Dee”, Layefa tried to calm me, “It wasn’t malignant!” I wasn’t even listening to him anymore. I just couldn’t believe the deadly C had caught someone in our family. I started sobbing on his shoulder when he shook me and said louder, “Dee, it wasn’t malignant!” “Oh” I said straightening up. “It really scared her though. She called me at work and we spoke for almost an hour talking about ‘what-ifs’. She was trying really hard not to bring up the topic of us not having kids and I could tell. I don’t know, Dee. I mean, if we could just do it for her…” he broke off into silence.
Shit. Which kain thing be this now? I stared at the floor unsure of what to say. Before I could even sigh, my message tone blared. Saved by the bell, shey?
I quickly rushed to get my phone from the table where I’d left it. You wouldn’t believe who it was- Mrs.Obie! On a freaking Saturday too!

Good evening, Delores. Sorry to bother you during the weekend. Mr.Laire just confirmed the rescheduling of his appointment. You will be meeting with him at 10 on Monday.

Whatever, I thought. I walked over to where Layefa sat on the couch. Taking his hand, I said, “Baby, we’ll work it out”. He nodded.


“What about your hair?” Layefa asked me. We had been watching the E! THS of the Kardashians for like the hundredth time! “I’ll go tomorrow”, I said, “I’m not even getting up from where I am right now for anything”. “Ok oh” he replied tickling my sides. Giggling I cried, “Stop! C’mon, stop!” I totally love making up with Layefa. We stayed cuddled in front of the TV all night.
When it was past two in the morning and we still hadn’t gone to bed, Layefa said, “Babes, it’s like we’re stabbing church today again”. “Let’s go for the evening service”, I replied, “I’ll get my hair done in the morning”.

eleven

“Funmi?” I said as she picked up on the fourth ring. “Dee, how far now?” Funmi answered, “Where are you?”. “I’m in the bathroom at my in-laws house oh. It wasn’t an emergency after all. Thanks for worrying jare.” I replied. “No wahala. I even told Kiki to call you too. Did she?” Funmi said. “Yeah, Just now”, I said checking out my hair in the mirror. I guess it did look kinda hot the way it was. After we hung up, I adjusted my dress, stuck my purse under my arm and left the bathroom.
Everyone had moved into the living room. They were on a conference call with Mrs. Thompson who was in England, Sarah (Layefa’s oldest sister who lived in Canada) and Novo (Layefa’s oldest brother who lived in Texas). Yes oh, technology has advanced like that. Layefa signaled to me to come say hello.
“You guys, Delores is here now” Layefa said into the speaker phone. I said hello to everyone real quick then they got back to suggesting baby names. It was some long ass call mehn. After forty-three minutes, Mr. Thompson decided it was time for everyone to say their goodbyes. “You all have cell phones, you can call them later” he said.
Layefa made a big show of checking his watch for the time before he announced, “Delores and I have to leave oh. We both have hair appointments to get to. Man, how time flies!”. Everyone including me just looked at him like he was crazy. We both had hair appointments? That was the lamest excuse I ever heard for leaving a family gathering.
I quickly looked away before anyone noticed my surprised look.
We hugged everyone goodbye then headed to the car. “Thanks again!” Tejiri and Kome called as they waved us goodbye.

“Aaahh” I yawned stretching once I had strapped in my seatbelt. “What a day, shey?” Layefa said reversing into the street. “Uh huh” I muttered. We drove in silence for a while before I hit the stereo button. Layefa reached for my hand as I was about to pull away and said, “You know I’m sorry, right?”. “What exactly are you sorry for, Layefa? Why do you even have to be-” I was saying before he shushed me. “Baby, lets get home, please?” he begged. Hmmmn, this one that he has been saying we should get home first, I hope this isn’t one of those I-think-you-should-sit-fist situations, I thought.
“Whatever” I said brushing his hand away and turning towards the window. “I just thought I should let you know I’m sorry for whatever this is”. Layefa said turning his attention back to the road. We were silent again. Even when Empire State of Mind(Our jam) came on, we were still fronting. Thankfully, the usually crazy lekki traffic was minimal.
Just as we were driving into v.g.c, I lost it. I couldn’t wait anymore. My mind had been racing for almost forty-five minutes. Even though I knew we were practically three minutes from the house, I couldn’t bear it anymore.
“Pull over,Layefa.Now!” I said firmly. He must have known I wasn’t playing cuz he did just that mehn. He didn’t even argue, he just parked at the side of the road .”Please just tell me whatever you want to say”, I said almost crying, “Abeg I can’t chill again, Layefa, seriously.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned to face him.
“Fine.” He replied unbuckling his seatbelt and facing me too. He told me how he’d known about Tejiri being pregnant ever since but he’d been working really hard to ensure I didn’t find out.
“Why on earth would you do that?” I cried. For some strange reason, I thought there and then I was gonna find out that the baby was his or something crazy stupid like that. Fortunately, Layefa didn’t say anything like that. He said that he’d been considering how to bring up the topic of us trying to have kids just before Tejiri told him about her pregnancy. He said he was waiting for the right time to tell me about having our own kids and he thought he’d tell me together with Tejiri’s news. The Fashola case kept him occupied so he didn’t have enough free time to compose how he’d bring it up. When the time for the baby shower came, he ordered all the cute stuff Tejiri kept thanking us for, online and sent them to her. “I deleted the invitation she sent to your mailbox and replied it telling her you were swamped with work but would send your gifts” he said fiddling with the keys in his hands. I didn’t even know what to ask first. I just stared open-mouthed at him. “Close your mouth, Dee” he said startling me. My mind wasn’t even there at all. I couldn’t believe all this time Layefa wanted a child but couldn’t tell me.
“Let’s go home” I finally said.

*ten*

yay!!! the tenth episode! i fell so good zbout that. thank you to everyone that has indulged in my juvenile writing. its not so poloshed, i know. thanks for reading anyway. remember to have at the back of your mid that delores voice is the voice over narrating just like everybody hates chris or gossip girl.x
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I ran my hands over my dress over and over again in my state of confusion. Layefa is a fish mehn. Why on earth should he put me in this position, I thought. Was I supposed to act like I was just hearing about the baby? Or should I make up some lame excuse for not calling earlier? Better yet, I should-.

“Delores darling! How are you? Thanks again for everything!” Tejiri said as she reached my side. Felicia had collected the baby from her hands. My confusion accelerated by 100 just then mehn. What the hell was Tejiri on about? I didn’t detect sarcasm in her voice, though so I didn’t wrinkle my face or anything.
Pasting on that Julia Roberts smile again, I stood up and motioned for her to hug me. “Tejiri, you look great! So does the lovely princess!” I replied. “We thank God oh”, “Kome hon, come and thank Delores” she said to Kome who was greeting Timi and Elohor. Immediately, he turned towards me and motioned for a hug. I hope my face didn’t let them know what I was thinking which was ‘Huh? Waris all this thanks about?’
“Thank you so much. We really appreciate everything. Tejiri is especially in love with those lovely blankets. You have really good taste oh, Delores” Kome said. I just grinned not sure what else to do. “Oh, so it was Delores that got you guys those lovely baby things?” Felicia asked. Tejiri nodded and said, “I told you now. She practically got us everything in the nursery. They’re adorable right?”. “But she wasn’t at the baby shower so….?” That fat bitch Elohor was saying as Layefa and Emeka walked in.

“Baby sis! OMG! You look rather skenzy for a mom oh”, Layefa said as he lifted Tejiri off the ground. They were so touching, I almost cried. Almost. But seriously though, watching Layefa with his siblings made me jealous. If you saw how they chat on msn, you’d think they were more than brother and sister sef. They talked about everything!

“My man! How far now? The freshest daddy on the block, eh?” Emeka greeted Kome. They did that shake guys do that they now slap themselves on the back.
Thinking about it, Kome and Tejiri were rather young to start a family. What is it with Nigerians and starting families right after marriage? The girl was barely 22! She only just graduated from uni last year! Na wa oh, I thought.

After all the greetings and oohing and aahing over the baby, we all sat down to gist and talk about random things. “So you guys thought of any baby names?” I asked Kome who was now sitting by my side. “Ah, about that. Tj already had names for all our future children even before the wedding!” he replied. We all laughed. This time I didn’t even have to fake it. “Yes now. Rainbow, Gucci and Paris!” Tj said proudly as she gulped her juice. This time we laughed even harder. Those two were bare jokes, I tell ya.
“She’s serious oh. She’s been saying that ever since forever” Layefa added. We shook our heads in amusement.
“So Kome’s cool with them? Gucci? What the hell, Tj?” Elohor said biting into a piece of fried chicken Another thing about all these Thompson family get-togethers is the scrumptious food. Mrs. Thompson sure knew how to select her house staff.

Shrugging, Kome said, “Anything for my baby”. He blew Tejiri an air-kiss. She feigned catching it in her hands then blew him one back. Cuuuttee. Layefa smiled and looked over at me. I smiled back at him and quickly looked away. I didn’t have his time right now.

If those Elohor’s bratty kids were here they’d have probably said something like, “I guess it’s just Aunt Delores that’s left now” or “What names would you name your kids, Aunt Delores?” I wondered how they acted with their parents.

Timi started a discussion about how hard it is to raise children nowadays with the cost of education sky-rocketing and all. We all engaged ourselves in the discussion, arguing whether it was worth it to clear your bank account for a child whose future you’re not even sure about. Layefa and I were careful not to say much though. With someone like Elohor at the table, if we just mistakenly said something that didn’t favour anyone, she could just say “It’s not like you know anyway, wait ill you have your own kids first”.

“Abeg someone should call that Alice girl oh” Emeka said, “We need a refill of this jug and more chicken”. “I’ll go get them” I offered a little too quickly. Don’t blame me abeg. Would you choose to sit at a table where everyone was talking about the latest YSL hat collection and you weren’t the least bit interested in hats? I think not! I was glad for an excuse to get away for a moment. Don’t go thinking all the talk about kids was making me uneasy or sad oh. I was just dulled.

“I’ll help you” Layefa said jumping up. He followed me into the house, into the kitchen. When I had told Alice what to do, I whispered, “I didn’t need any help!” “Don’t be like this, Dee”, “Told ya we would iron everything out at home” he replied with an apologetic smile. “Uh huh” I said, “Ehen, What is all this about me buying stuff for the baby? At least tell me something now incase decides to interrogate my life”. He quickly filled me in on all the stuff he sent to Tj and Kome as me while Alice re-filled the jug and served more fried chicken on the tray.

“Here you go” I said, pouring juice into Emeka’s glass. Layefa passed the chicken round. “Thanks sweetie.” Emeka replied. I smiled sweetly at him. He was such a darling compared to his wife. One time, I ran into him during a rainstorm when my car was stuck at the palms and he drove me all the way home to get a change of clothes and back to the office. Sweet guy.

************************************************************************

nine.

I just stared at him. I wasn’t even annoyed that he made me forfeit my hair appointment, I was mad that he didn’t even tell me Tejiri was expecting a baby! I know I’ve never been close to any of Layefa’s siblings but that doesn’t change the fact that he should have told me. I wondered what she thinks of me now. She’ll most likely think I was too jealous to congratulate her. I hissed.
“You know I didn’t know she was even pregnant” I said looking out the window. Calmness is the way forward, I warned myself silently. Raising your voice wouldn’t make things any better, Delores, I told myself.

“We should talk about this when we get home” Layefa said just as he turned into the driveway of his parents’ house. Taking a deep breath, I turned off the car stereo and continued to stare out the window. What reason in the world could Layefa probably have for not telling me about Tejiri? All this bickering between us was getting rather old.
My cell phone beeped in my purse. It was Funmi checking up on me. I wasn’t in the mood to talk right then so I hit the ignore key. I made a mental note to call her back later.

“Ah Oga! Welcome! Welcome! Good afternoon oh” The gateman greeted Layefa as he parked. “Good afternoon, Mohammed” Layefa replied as he turned round to open my door for me. I got out and muffled “Thanks” while brushing past him. I didn’t even acknowledge Mohammed’s greeting. I stuck my clutch under my arm and marched to the front door with an emotionless face.
“Dee, you need to chill. Please. Especially while we’re here.” Layefa whispered softly as he caught with me. “Fine”, I said pursing my lips while he took my arm in his. We pressed the doorbell.
The thing with Layefa’s family is that underneath all their pretentiousness, they’re actually all right people. They may put up a performance worthy of an Emmy trying to convince everyone they were perfect but it didn’t necessarily make them bad people. Like today for example, Layefa probably thought his new Salvatore Ferragamo shoes would distract his family from the coldness between us. The sonuvabitch! He knew he was gonna upset me! , I thought as the maid came to the door. She curtsied and ushered us into the living room. “Thank you, Alice” Layefa smiled. Ode. He must think he gets some prize for remembering all the domestic staff’s names.
“Daddy!” I cried pasting my bestest Julia Roberts smile on. I rushed to hug him as he rose to greet us. “My dear Delores, how are you?” Mr. Thompson replied hugging me. “I’m very well, sir. How are you?” I said as we pulled apart. Layefa was probably too shocked for words because he just stood there watching us. After we had asked about work and my parents, we finally remembered someone else was in the room. “Good afternoon, dad” Layefa said, “Where’s everyone?” “Afternoon, Layefa. They’re out on the patio. Emeka just left for the bathroom, though. We’ve been talking.” Mr. Thompson replied. “Oh. Okay. Let me say hello to them then I’ll come join you guys in here.”Layefa said taking my hand.
We headed for the patio hand in hand like giddy teenagers. “Heyyyy guys!”Layefa called pushing back the sliding doors. I smiled shyly and waved, “Hiii”. We exchanged hellos and how are yous then I took a seat next to Felicia (Timi, Layefa’s older brother’s wife). Layefa went to join his dad and brother-in-law in the living room.
“Tejiri and Kome will be here soon with the baby” Elohor (Layefa’s older sister, Emeka’s wife) informed me. I nodded smiling. I really didn’t like Elohor very much. She is so bossy and not as pretty as she thinks. Her snotty spoiled daughters are worse than her, though. I don’t think there are any teenage girls as bad as those two. The last time I saw them, the older one was carrying the exact same purse I had. My £250 patent quilted Chanel bag. You wouldn’t believe what the brat said to me, “Yours looks like the knockoff. Are you sure the Chanel hasn’t got two ns?” I was so close to slapping her teeth outta her mouth. Thank God for self-control. I was so grateful they weren’t here today.
“How are the girls?” I asked Elohor. It didn’t hurt to be civil, did it? After all, na acting all of us dey do, abi?

“They’re here!” Felicia cried pointing at the sliding door as Kome held it open for Tejiri who was holding the baby. Oh shit, I thought, here goes.

eight.

I reached into my handbag for a hairbrush as I climbed up the stairs. If it was really bad news people might be here with Layefa to break it to me and I couldn’t be caught dead with raggedy hair. Really.
“Layefa!” I called at the top of the stairs. I guess waiting the ten seconds I waited for him to come out of the bedroom was probably when it hit me that I something extremely ghastly could have happened. With my hand on my chest, I walked slowly to the bedroom. I stared at the door for about a second before I pushed it open.

“Heeeheeeheee…I’m serious! No, really…”Layefa was saying loudly amidst chuckles to someone on the phone while typing on his laptop. Jayz’s new album was blaring on his iPod dock. Blank stare is an understatement of the look I had on my face. He was talking so loudly he didn’t even hear me come in. I noticed he had changed out of the baggy shorts and T-shirt he was wearing when I left that morning. He was now wearing a crisp white danshiki (that traditional shirt Nigerian men wear) and white pants. He was even wearing his new Salvatore Ferragamo shoes!

The first time I called softly, “Layefa”. “Man, you are evil! Ah ahn!” he continued laughing on the phone.

The second time: “Baby” I said louder than the first time.

The third time: “Layefa!” I almost shouted.

When he didn’t turn around I flung my hairbrush at him I missed though. It hit his laptop instead. “Shit! What the-?” he jumped. Turning around, he caught the vicious glare I was giving him. “Oh, baby” He said quickly. Then “Bruv, I’ll call you right back” to the person on the phone.

“Dee, I hope you didn’t break any of my keys oh” he said walking over to me with a bright smile and his arms open. He motioned to hug me but I simply folded my arms and continued to glare at him. “What’s the matter, Hon?” he asked like he had no idea how scared he made me. He probably didn’t but that wasn’t the point. I was just so pissed that I was feeling so angry at Layefa. Until that day that I woke up and didn’t find him by my side, I’d never felt anything close to anger at Layefa before. Not that he’d never ever gotten on my nerves but he just never made me want to claw his brains out.

“I should be asking you” I said brushing his hand away from my shoulder."And who were you talking to? “Baby, don’t tell me you’re mad cuz of your hair. It looks hot this way now.I was talking to Daniel oh.He's back in town” He stroked my hair. “Besides, you can always go back” he tickled my waist.I couldn’t help but smile the way he was smiling and touching me lovingly. “So, nothing happened?” I asked as Layefa planted kisses all over my neck. “Oh. Just my parents are having us all over for lunch”. He said in between kissing me. “I missed you, baby” he quickly added. We made out for while before I remembered he was already dressed. “Why didn’t you jus let me finish my hair?” I said softly pulling away. Dang, my baby takes my breath away, I thought as I looked into Layefa’s eyes.
I hurriedly slipped into a green and blue floral print dress while Layefa explained how it was short notice and reminded how his dad hated lateness and didn’t accept traffic as an excuse.

I rememebered the first Christmas I spent with the Thompsons. It was hell! First of all, we got there around five for a Lunch party that was supposed to start at one. Mr.Thompson was furious and didnt hesistate to show his irritation for lateness. He practically scolded us! I had never felt so small and stupid in my life. Then all his cousins and sisters were rocking designer stuff from their mascara to their toe nail polish. literally. As at that time, i'd just started work so my collection of Versace,Gucci,Victoria Beckham and Fendi wasnt worth a whole lot. Apart from the stuff Layefa had gotten me, i pretty much didnt have much. They were so mean to me. Asking questions like: "where did you get that plain purse?" "Are those real pearls?" "Sweetie, I dont think red is your colour". Bitches. They should se me now.

"You like?" i asked twirling around in my dress in front of Layefa. He blew me a kiss and said "Perfect!" As in, he just knew what i wanted to hear all the time.
**************************************************************************************


"I'm your biggest fan, i'll follow you until you love me,pa-pa-pa-papparazzi" i sang slong with Lady Gaga on the radio. "Baby!" i called as layefa almost hit some guy's car. he muttered that the guy was too slow to be on the road. i went back to my singing till he almost hit another car. "Where's your head at, Layefa?" i asked turning down the volume of the radio.
He cleared his throat twice before he finally said, "You know i hate lying to you,baby", he started. i turned to face him, a frown forming on my face.
"okay, So you remember how i told you this Lunch was short notice?" he continued. i nodded. For crying out loud,Layefa, stop acting funny, i thought.
"Well.It wasnt.My mom invited us since Tuesday.Tejiri delivered a baby girl." Layefa said driving into the turning His parents house was on.

seven.

hey people! I"m so sorry i've been late with posting Seven. I have been real busy with school but i promise to post the other half in a few hours.thanx for reading btw! x


one week later.....

" C'mon Funmi, choose something now" i begged. I'd been trying to get my friend, Funmi Dada, to help me pick a hairstyle from a magazine for over twenty minutes. "Dee, i dont know for you oh. You're tired of curls,you dont want something too long,you dont want something too short,you dont want something that's just there!". What the hell did i want?! Kiki told me i'd been neglecting my hair so i decided to get rid of the brazillian weave(for a while) and try something different.
"How bout that Ciara's do?" i asked shoving the mag in Funmi's face. She offered to accompany me and make sure i dont come out looking like shrek and now she thinks she can just sit there and let me decide on my own? Mumu girl. "Ooooh...I didnt see that one before! it'll suit your face so well! yes! yes! yes!" She replied. Finally.

So i sat back and let my hairdresser do her thing. "Ehen,continue that your Jennifer gist" i said to funmi. "You and gist shaa!Where did i even stop?" she replied. "I remember. It was the part where she told him he'd have to buy her a dress,shey?" she quickly added. i nodded. Funmi and Kiki were the best gisters ever!
"So thats how he now went to order straight from Marc Jacobs new collection!" Funmi exclaimed almost causing the hairdresser to stab me with the scissors she was using.
“Ah ahn. Ko ma easy oh (it’s not easy oh)” I added. “I know oh. That daft Jennifer just had to fuck up. Do you know what she now did?” Funmi continued. How would I know? “She decided that she would prove to him that she wasn’t with him for material benefits by starting a fight a week to the Show so he would think she wasn’t all that interested”. Shaking my head, I said, “Like she hadn’t already made that obvious when she was giving him terms and conditions.”
Just as Funmi was about to continue, my phone rang. I rummaged in my handbag for my phone as a few people in the salon sang along with my M.I ring tone. It was Layefa calling. I hit the answer button hurriedly. “Hey baby!” I said with a grin as wide as Lagos to London (according to Funmi). “Hey Dee. You still at the beauty salon?” he asked. There was just something about Layefa’s voice that I couldn’t get enough of. He still had a slight American accent intertwined with his Nigerian intonation. “Yeah, babe. What’s up?” I replied. “Well, you probably have to leave right now.” He said sharply. I waited for some form of explanation and when I didn’t get one I said, “Why? Did something happen? I only just started.” I don’t know what I thought he was gonna say but I was thinking more of something like “I’m missing you way too much, baby. Come home already!” not “I’ll explain later. Just leave soonest.” This was what Layefa said.
As you may have expected, paranoia started to kick in after that. Had somebody died? Did he need me to come home so he could break the news gently? Had the house caught fire? Did we just get robbed? All sorts of horrible thoughts clouded my mind. I hung up and gathered my stuff hurriedly.
“What’s going on? Ah ahn…are we leaving?” Funmi asked getting up from her seat. I stole a glance at the mirror in front of me; my hair was nowhere close to being sexy. “I’m coming back” I gruffly said to the shocked hairdresser. Funmi was quite shocked at my sudden change of disposition as well. “Dee, did something happen? That was Layefa on the phone right?” Funmi pestered as she picked up her bag. “Let’s just go” I said quietly heading for the door.
As we walked towards the car, I said “Yeah, it was Layefa. He didn’t tell me anything tangible, he just said I should head home fast”. Funmi nodded understandingly. “I hope nothing serious has happened oh” she whispered. I threw my stuff into the backseat of my car and settled in the driver’s seat while Funmi climbed into the passenger’s seat beside me. “Babe, sorry for wasting your time oh. Abeg ehn?” I pleaded as I pulled out of the parking lot. “Waste ke? At all now. When last did we hang out like this?” she replied saying it was alright. “Sheyyy. E don tey oh” I said trying to lighten up. On the way to Funmi’s house we just talked about random nonsense. She knew where my mind was at and didn’t even bother pressing me about it. That’s why I love my friends. They just get me.
“Later sweetie. Take it easy oh. I’ll call you” Funmi called as she climbed out of the car at the entrance of her street. I nodded, waved and drove off. The kain speed at which I drove home ehn, Lastma would have sooo arrested me if they were on the road.
As soon as I shut the door behind me, I yelled “Layefa! I’m home oh!” Didn’t he hear my car driving in?

six.

I turned my head away from him. Taking a page from Ri-Ri, “No matter what he’ll never se me cry”. I hurriedly tried to wipe my tears with the back of my hand. Layefa dropped his briefcase and laptop bag and sat next to me in the doorway. Even after twelve hours, his musky aftershave almost made me dizzy. He inched closer till my shoulder was resting on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and said, “Baby, I’m sorry about your car. And I’m sorry I wasn’t here too”. I was too weak to say anything; I just nuzzled my shoulder in his chest. He was with me now, that’s all that mattered, for now, I thought. Even if he was cheating, he still came back home. To me.

We stayed silent like that for about forty minutes. I guess my mind was still wandering. Finally Layefa said, “Dee, you know by tomorrow afternoon, your car will be good as new, right?” Did he really think my car was what was on my mind??? Hmmmn. That showed me two things: (a). He couldn’t read me anymore. (b). He was being awfully sweet if he thought that was all that was wrong with me. Really. He had stayed hugged up on the floor for almost an hour just because he thought he was comforting me about my dented car. Awww, I thought.

“I know” I said softly. “Good” he replied stroking my hair (actually my Brazilian wig, but whatever!). “Baby, you think maybe we could stand up and enter the room?” he added. Whether he meant we should go into he room cuz he was tired of sitting on the floor or cuz he wanted to continue our close& tight arrangement, I sha stood up. My fine ass was getting sore. “Easy” he warned, helping me to my feet. Just as I was turned to enter the room, Layefa pulled me towards him and held me there. We looked into each others eyes for about twenty seconds before he finally kissed me. That’s how Layefa rolled oh. No spontaneity with him. He always wanted me to expect his kisses and touches. We stayed tangled in our lip-lock for almost four minutes before I broke away. “Dee, you okay?” he asked, not because I pulled away but because he could feel it from my aura that I wasn’t. Shaking my head, I walked over to the bed. Pulling on the covers, I said, “Could you please lock up?” He nodded and went back downstairs. I quickly rushed to the bathroom to cleanse my face and apply my night moisturizers. (This my fresh face doesn’t just happen, you know). I had already created the whole ‘she’s so mad she even went to sleep without doing her beauty ritual’. If he liked, he should try something else tomorrow, I would do more.
Hearing his footsteps down the hall, I hurried back to my sleeping position. I turned my body towards his side so he could scope what he might have had if he didn’t fuck up today. Hehe. As I lay there, I remembered what my daddy said the last time we hooked up. (Yeah, me and my day are close like that). We were watching some Yoruba movie (well subtitled of course) and the babe in the story went from heaven to earth to catch her husband cheating. “The thing about women is that they don’t know that all this their wahala will push the man farther from them” Mr. Kalejaiye said. He was trying to tell me that when a woman who still loves her husband even though he’s cheating tries to make him pay, she might completely lose him. Kinda like the movie two can play that game.
I decided that if Layefa made any moves, I wouldn’t deny him of his marital rights. I wanted him too, by the way.

five.

We were both silent for about ten seconds then i sipped my coffee then said, “All right, let me know when you’re on your way, k?” Coffee does do wonders. After I hung up, I still felt calm for about twenty minutes. I even made two more cups of coffee before I came to my senses. “What the hell? I should be breaking dishes and throwing shit all over the house!” I said out loud. I had every right to be pissed and I was sitting sipping coffee and trying my hardest not to lose it. I didn’t even know what vexed me the most, my car or Layefa. Even if I did overreact this morning, tonight’s misbehavior was definitely worth being paranoid about. Every woman knows that that most affairs begin with “I’m working late”. It was sooo obvious that Layefa never left the office or wherever the hell he was. LASTMA trouble, my fine ass! Dumping my coffee cup in the sink, I stormed out of the kitchen and marched upstairs. When I got to the bedroom, I just buckled to the floor. I sat on the floor by the bedroom door and just wept. It wasn’t sexy sobs oh, it was real real crying!

“Why? Why me?” I cried. Sob. Sob. “He said I’d be safe with him, He said…he said” I stuttered through my tears.

I remembered when I first met Layefa. It was during my second year at Unilag. By then he had already graduated from Yale. He was back home for the NYSC program. As at then I hadn’t had a boyfriend since SS3. Wale, my SS3 boyfriend, shattered my heart so bad that I even promised myself I’d never get married. Thinking about it now, I was probably just spoiled and childish. This was what happened exactly:

Wale and I had been going steady since the Christmas during SS2. He was definitely God’s gift to High school girls. His mom was German so he had that fresh mulatto look. Slick hair, hazel eyes and everything. I met him at one of those house parties we used to have. He was my first boyfriend but I never told anyone that (except Layefa). He literally took my breath away. Even my mom knew how strongly I felt about him. I tried not to show him how much he meant to me but I couldn’t help it. I guess that’s how come he was able to hurt me so.

The heartbreak occurred on our prom night. I waited and waited for hours for him to pick me up. His phone was unreachable; nobody seemed to know where he was. We hadn’t really planned prom together but it was just expected. Like we were so steady, I would have raised an eyebrow if he formally asked me to prom. Anyway, my dad dropped me off at the venue and I sat alone for about another hour before Wale suddenly appeared with some slut from our rival school. Being the popular dude that he was, he caught everyone’s attention for sure. When they were done gaping at Wale and his date, they threw pitiful looks in my direction before everyone went back to their dancing and eating or whatever they were doing. So I went up to him and was like “Where have you been? What’s with you phone?” I was clearly trying to act like I didn’t notice the big-breasted whore by his side. He shrugged and asked casually, “So, where’s your date?” I’m like “Excuse me?” He repeated himself. I stared at him for like a whole minute then he said, “Your dress is nice, by the way”. Stupid ol’ me thought he was joking around or something so I pulled him away from his date and then said, “Wale, who’s the girl? Why did you bring her here?” I don’t know what I expected to hear but I sure as hell wasn’t expecting: “She’s my date naww. She’s hot shey?”. I didnt even code my bewilderment, "What? How? From where?". He said we'd talk later that his date was beginning to look annoyed.
i ran to the bathroom immediately and cried there for awhile before i called my dad to come get me.

That night, Wale called me and told me that he didnt realise i took us so serious that he was just having fun. He said he the girl he brought as his date didnt mean anything to him(later,i heard they did it in their prom ride!) but he didnt think i did too. talk about harsh shey? I didnt blame him. His hotness was definitely getting to his head. Coming from someone who'd just been breathing down my neck while my parents were out the night before telling me how i was 'the one' and how we'd fit perfectly into each other(the perv!), it was all too shocking to hear. I cried for weeks. I vowed never to give another man my all. Until Layefa came along. I told him what Wale had put me through and he assured me i'd be safe with him.He, of all people should understand my paranoia when it comes to men, right?


"Dee? What are you doing on the floor?" Layefa's voice suddenly brought me back to the future. Looking up at his tired eyes, chiseled nose and his sexy mouth, all i could do was sigh.

four.

“Yes?” I answered my secretary Bola over the intercom. “Mrs.Obie is on the line for you, ma’am” She said. Mrs.Obie is the editor-in-chief of Poise. “Please Put her on” I replied. They no go let person rest, I muttered. “Delores, how are you this morning.” Mrs. said. “Good morning, Mrs.Obie” I said, “I’m very well, thanks and you?” “We thank the lord, my dear” She replied. Who’s this one deceiving? I thought. Why’s she now acting all nice and caring? Mschewww, like I didn’t know she tried to get me and Kiki demoted. About two weeks ago, she filed a report to the publishers saying although Kiki and I were working our hardest, we just weren’t experienced enough for our jobs. Wondering how I found out? Her assistant, Mike apparently has a thing for tall girls and couldn’t stand the thought of me leaving the floor. It’s good to have trips in high places, init?
“Christian Laire, the photographer is coming into the country tomorrow morning” Mrs. continued. Why’s she telling me what I already know? “Yes, ma’am. I knew that. His appointment is on Wednesday.” I tied my best not to sound cold. “I was wondering if you could entertain him tomorrow evening. You know, show him some of our rich Lagos night-life”. Ehnnnnn??? Night-life kó, night-life nìí. This woman was just all kinds of crazy. “Me? Ah. I don’t think my husband will like that very much oh” I said as respectfully as I could. (Even if she was a bitch, she was still wayyy older than me). She was silent for about a minute then, “Weeellll, I guess I didn’t remember you were married”. Thank God my mama taught me to respect elders especially bosses. I kept quiet. “In that case….don‘t bother. My intentions weren’t to inconvenience you in any way. I jus thought dinner with one of us would help in cementing the bond we’re trying to form with Mr.Laire”. The guilt trip? Hiss. “Maybe I should get back to you; I might be able to make it after all”, I said lying through my teeth. I remembered what the driver I had growing up used to say- “Yes no dey cause fight”. At least she would be off my case.
She said that would be very kind of me then hung we hung up. It was time to go home!!!
Couldn’t wait to see my baby after all the drama. I gathered my stuff, poked my head into Kiki’s office to say bye then I was off!


“Baby, I’m by The Palms. Where are you?” I said once Layefa picked up the phone. I had never been so excited to see my husband. “Chill lemme call you back. There’s a LASTMA guy in front of me”, He replied. “Oh.Ok.Talk to-”, I was saying as he cut the line. Those Lastma officials could be darn scary so I blew his shirtless picture on my phone a kiss then continued on my way home. The traffic after The Palms was not even a joke at all. Serious bumper to bumper situation. I just kept thanking God for air conditioning and the car stereo. Layefa called me:
“Hey Dee, I’m in trouble oh” he didn’t sound like he was. “Did the LASTMA guy arrest you?” I asked as gently as I could (I wasn’t ready for another lesson on ‘extreme paranoia’). “The fool jus collected all the cash I had. I had to turn back to get more money.” He replied. I wasn’t getting the point. How was he in trouble? “So you’ve turned back? How are you now in trouble?” I said. “Yeah. Akin now called me and asked me where I was. When I told him, he said I should come back to the office oh” he sounded genuinely sad. All I could say was “Oh”. My mouth literally hung open for about thirty seconds. “Babyyy-” he started to say just as the car behind me rammed into my car. “Oh Shit! I’ve been hit! I’ll call you back” I cried breathlessly unfastening my seatbelt.Apparently while i was busy talking to Layefa, other cars were moving. By the time i got out of the car, the idiotic driver had swerved to the mext lane and was driving away. slamming my hands on the car, there was no four-letter word that didnt come out of my mouth.
Meanwhile, Layefa was calling my phone which was inside the car frantically. Some fool driving past yelled, "Move your fucking car bitch! Dents dont stop cars from moving!". I was too weak to even think up a meaner retort. I got back into my car and spde angrily all the way home. How did the road just suddenly become free, i thought. Layefa kept calling but i didnt pick up. I had the feeling i would scream at him if i did. Misplaced anger could cause something else.

finally, i got home. After a shower and a cup of coffee, I called Layefa. "My car is dented oh" i said calmly. coffee does wonders, doesnt it? "Shit! Baby, i'm so sorry!" he replied. "You close?" i asked. I was really missing my husband. "Uh... Wha-...I was- " he stuttered. "Baby, I'm still at work." He finally said.

three.

"Were you even listening to me?" Kiki said. "sure, i was" i replied straightening in my seat, "I dont even know what to say". "i know oh, my sister." she sighed. that was the moment i realised how lucky i was.For Layefa to go almost 4 years without 'needing a break', i must be real lucky. I knew that i was not an easy person to cope with but i wasnt a monster either. Growing up as an only child, my parents were constantly at my beck and call. they made all the domestic staff respect me like i was the one who employed them. Layefa knew how much things like disrespect and lack of appreciation affected me.I guess that's why i was so angry this morning.Remembering how he acted casually about the whole thing almost made me angry again but i cautioned myself.I should be grateful he's still around,i thought.

"A penny for your thoughts abi should i say a kobo?" Kiki said. Grinning i said, "Do they even make coins in this country again?". She shrugged and said, “Yetunde’s baby shower is on Saturday by the way,did she tell you yet?”. I shook my head. It was no surprise why people felt weird inviting me for baby showers, christenings and kid’s birthdays. They thought that because I did not have a child after being married for over 4 years that the subject might be touchy. How wrong they were. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate children. I’m just not a big fan of having one of my own.Dirty diapers and kids basketball games were sooo not my thing. Thankfully, Layefa doesn’t mind much.And neither do his family.Only God'll probably know how thankful i am that he doesn’t have any scary family members to chastise me about my childlessness like those razz Africa Magic movies.
“I’m sure she knew you’d pass the message on to me” I said stretching on the sofa. “Uh huh” Kiki replied just as booming sounds of her New Boyz ring tone filled the room. Yep, you heard right. I said New Boyz. Kiki is infantile like that.
“Hello?” she answered quizzically. I guessed the phone number was unfamiliar. “Oh!” she cried, signaling for me to come closer.I scooted off the sofa and hurried to her side. “I see.” She said, pinching my arm. “I can’t hear clearly, put it on speaker” I whispered. She hit the speaker button.
“He would also like to know if you’ll be free tomorrow afternoon for lunch” an emotionless female voice spoke through the phone. “IK??” I mouthed. Shaking her head, kiki mouthed “Tobi”. “Hold on a second while I check my calendar” she said to the lady on the phone. Hitting the ‘hold’ key quickly she turned to me. “should I say yes?”.Tobi went to secondary school with us(He was our senior by far though). Kiki ran into him some weeks back and he'd been trying to put the moves on her ever since. If IK wasnt in the picture i would totally have given my dear friend the green light cuz apparently Tobi was doing pretty well for himself. He was a big shot at Zainee Telecomms.
"Are you crazy? So just cuz IK's misbehaving, you want to misbehave too shey?" i said. "It's just lunch naw.A meal with an old friend" Kiki countered. "Schoolmate not friend" i added. "So i should say no?" she looked like i was asking her to chop off her arm. "i dont know for you oh. I would say no sha" i replied. kiki restored the call and told Tobi's secretary that she would get back to him.

"Na wa for you oh" Kiki said, "Instead of you to tell me to take a break too,you're telling me this". Kiki was confusing me mehn. Wasnt this the girl that was sighing and lamenting about IK 2 minutes ago? "Na wa for me? You're not serious oh" I said turning on my phone. "You havent seen Tobi that's why you dont understand" Kiki said.

I had a voicemail from Layefa! He's sorry afterall, i thought. "Babes, i'll be right back" i said heading for the door. I needed privacy to play Layefa's voicemail. Dont roll your eyes, abeg.Only me can understand why i felt so giddy.
*************************************************************************************

two.

Was he for real? Chilling for me to finish vexing? I didn’t even know how to feel. In all our four years of being together, I could only recollect two major squabbles between us. Layefa was just not the guy to drag an issue. And he knew all my pet peeves and was always careful to not cross any of them. Taking a deep breath I said as coldly as I could, “Well, an apology coulda helped, you know. Later sha”. I hung up, turned off my phone and tossed it on the table.
Surprisingly, I felt a whole lot better after that. I settled down to get some work done. I went over the photos for the Genevieve spread in our next month’s issue. This babe is skinny oh, I thought. I managed to completely engross myself with the photos for about an hour and a half. I decided to go chill with Kiki. She always has gist, I thought.

“Baby geh! Whaddit do?” Kiki greeted as I slid into her office. We’d been best friends since secondary school. We came up with the idea of a fashion magazine for the average girl just before we graduated. We got help from our parents and all but it flopped anyway. Our first issue sold only forty-seven copies out of the hundred we budgeted. Anyway, while we were at Uni, some socialite woman stumbled upon a copy and offered us a deal. Our ideas + their money= Poise Magazine. Plus we were guaranteed jobs immediately after graduation.

“I dey oh!” I said plopping down on her sofa. “whatchu doing?” I asked stretching my legs. “Nothing serious oh” she replied flipping her laptop shut. “So, how was the weekend? How’s Uncle?” she continued crossing her legs on her table. I have no idea why she calls Layefa ‘uncle’ but I’ve gotten used to it. “We just chilled at home. Didn’t even go to church” I replied. I was almost tempted to tell her about Layefa’s misbehavior but I controlled myself like I did the other two times we had squabbles. Kiki is my bestest friend in the whole wide world but I just feel weird talking 2 her about Layefa. It felt natural talking to her about my exes but Layefa was different. I guess I wasn’t interested in hearing anyone but me criticize him.
“I don’t blame you jare” I would chill with IK an entire weekend if I could. Laughing I said, “Who says you cant?” I already knew the answer: "uh...Mr.Bello?" kiki said. i gave her an apologetic smile. kiki's dad, Mr.Bello, refused to see her for what she really is;a grown woman. He banned her from moving into or even sleeping over at IK's house.
"IK should hurry up and show the ring sef" i said. "sheyy, i hope he still plans to though", Kiki said in a soft voice. something was wrong somewhere. Kiki was not the type to talk about her boyfriend quietly. she was the type that would get all hyper and excited at the mention of his name.
"You ok?" i asked sitting up. she heaved a deep sigh then said, "It's like something in the air's messing with all the good guy's brains". my eyes almost pooped out of my head. What the hell was she talking about? I hadnt told her about Layefa so Ik had to be the problem. "Except Layefa, ofcourse" she quickly added before i could ask her what happened. a weak smile escaped my lips. She then went on to tell me how Ik had been talking about needing space recently and how her sister's husband suddenly took a 'break' from their family. "You better not let Layefa go" she concluded.By this time my mind had wandered far away. "huh? wha-?" i stammered bouncing back into reality.

one.

Hitting my alarm clock firmly, I grudgingly got out of bed. The alarm had been ringing for almost ten minutes. Slipping on my slippers, I headed for the bathroom. I noticed Layefa had already gotten out of bed. Strange, I thought. My husband, Layefa, had never been a morning person. I practically have to drag him out of bed every morning.
“Baby? You there?” I called pushing open the bathroom door. I found myself staring at my reflection in the mirror. Layefa was not in the bathroom. I quickly brushed my teeth, rinsed my face and headed out of the bedroom.
“Baby!” I called from the top of the stairs. Every moment seemed even stranger because the entire house felt silent. I couldn’t even hear Layefa’s footsteps. Stealing a glance at wall clock in the hallway, I hurriedly went to get ready for work. After I had showered and thrown on a shirt and slacks, I still hadn’t seen or worse, heard Layefa. Fear started to kick in, so I dialed his cell phone number as I walked down the stairs. The truth of the matter was I was scared he was lying unconscious in the kitchen or something like that. When he finally picked up after what seemed like a thousand rings, I breathlessly cried, “Baby! Where the hell are you?” “Morning, Dee. I just got to work now. I’m parking my car.”, He replied calmly like all was well. All was certainly not well if my husband for about 1200 days suddenly decides he wants to be an early riser without telling me!
“What? Why? I don’t understand” I stammered. His calm tone was irritating me more than he could ever imagine. Even if a person decided he wants to work on his new year’s resolution of waking up early in August, it doesn’t mean he should get to work before the doors open, does it? Hiss. “I got up early and I was like what the hell I might as well be heading for work already” Layefa said, like he was explaining as gently as he possibly could. “Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving? Didn’t you think I’d be worried?” I said with voice rising. “Why would you be worried? Where else would I go on a Monday morning?” he said as if I was crazy. “What the-”. Is this guy mad? How dare he suggest that I was stupid to worry? I’ve chopped in my life oh. So much for caring about your husband. “Seriously though, your paranoia getting extreme, Dee” he continued adding that he had to go but would call me back later.
“Oh no he didn’t!” I muttered flinging my phone to the floor. I stomped to the kitchen to start my coffee. Coffee is turning out to be my new best friend. Really. I remembered those days when Layefa and I were like twins. We were so inseparable. I didn’t need coffee then. All I had to do was hold on to the number 2 button (even my mom’s speed dial was number three!) on my mobile phone and Layefa’s ‘sup shaaawty’ would make everything better. As I poured my coffee, I wondered what could have warranted such arrant disrespect from my usually considerate Layefa.

“Hey Delores!” Tunde from accounting called, spotting me as the elevator doors opened. I held the elevator while he hurried to meet me. “Tunde, how far now?” I greeted as he slipped into the elevator. “I dey oh. How was your weekend?” he replied all smiles. The guy was just cheery fellow. His niceness got on my nerves sometimes but I couldn’t help returning his courtesies. “It was alright. Yours?” I said. “I went to Abuja with my nephew for the NSSBC. He even won the MVP award.” He replied smiling p to his eyes. Eeyahh, how nice. I thought. “Awww. That’s nice. Which one is NSSBC again?” I said trying my best to seem genuinely happy. After Layefa’s drama that morning, even Basketmouth would have a hard time trying to get me to smile.
“Basketball championship. It really was nice.” Tunde replied. I nodded just as the elevator door opened on my floor. “See you around” Tunde called as I waved goodbye.
I practically ran to my office to escape any more how was your weekends.
After I was settled in the safety of my office, I pulled out my mobile phone. I was almost tempted to call Layefa and give him a piece of my mind. I waited for him to call me back all through the drive from our house to my office. He didn’t. And the drive wasn’t some fast fifteen minute drive oh. I sat in my car, stuck in traffic for over an hour listening to Dan foster bitch about football players on Inspiration FM. My darling husband did not call me oh. Well, if he wasn’t gonna call me, I wouldn’t either. He needed to know how vexed I was. Now I know why people say that those we care about the most are the ones that have the power to hurt us.
I paced about my office for a few minutes before anger got the better of me. I snatched my phone from the table and called Layefa.
“You said you were gonna call me” I said once he picked up. “Hey baby!” he answered like I hadn’t said anything. Did he really not know how big of a deal this was to me?
“You didn’t call me back.” I said again. “Oh. Yeah. I’m still working on those Fashola files” he said, “Besides; I was chilling for you to finish vexing”.