Saturday, October 31, 2009


I turned my head away from him. Taking a page from Ri-Ri, “No matter what he’ll never se me cry”. I hurriedly tried to wipe my tears with the back of my hand. Layefa dropped his briefcase and laptop bag and sat next to me in the doorway. Even after twelve hours, his musky aftershave almost made me dizzy. He inched closer till my shoulder was resting on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and said, “Baby, I’m sorry about your car. And I’m sorry I wasn’t here too”. I was too weak to say anything; I just nuzzled my shoulder in his chest. He was with me now, that’s all that mattered, for now, I thought. Even if he was cheating, he still came back home. To me.

We stayed silent like that for about forty minutes. I guess my mind was still wandering. Finally Layefa said, “Dee, you know by tomorrow afternoon, your car will be good as new, right?” Did he really think my car was what was on my mind??? Hmmmn. That showed me two things: (a). He couldn’t read me anymore. (b). He was being awfully sweet if he thought that was all that was wrong with me. Really. He had stayed hugged up on the floor for almost an hour just because he thought he was comforting me about my dented car. Awww, I thought.

“I know” I said softly. “Good” he replied stroking my hair (actually my Brazilian wig, but whatever!). “Baby, you think maybe we could stand up and enter the room?” he added. Whether he meant we should go into he room cuz he was tired of sitting on the floor or cuz he wanted to continue our close& tight arrangement, I sha stood up. My fine ass was getting sore. “Easy” he warned, helping me to my feet. Just as I was turned to enter the room, Layefa pulled me towards him and held me there. We looked into each others eyes for about twenty seconds before he finally kissed me. That’s how Layefa rolled oh. No spontaneity with him. He always wanted me to expect his kisses and touches. We stayed tangled in our lip-lock for almost four minutes before I broke away. “Dee, you okay?” he asked, not because I pulled away but because he could feel it from my aura that I wasn’t. Shaking my head, I walked over to the bed. Pulling on the covers, I said, “Could you please lock up?” He nodded and went back downstairs. I quickly rushed to the bathroom to cleanse my face and apply my night moisturizers. (This my fresh face doesn’t just happen, you know). I had already created the whole ‘she’s so mad she even went to sleep without doing her beauty ritual’. If he liked, he should try something else tomorrow, I would do more.
Hearing his footsteps down the hall, I hurried back to my sleeping position. I turned my body towards his side so he could scope what he might have had if he didn’t fuck up today. Hehe. As I lay there, I remembered what my daddy said the last time we hooked up. (Yeah, me and my day are close like that). We were watching some Yoruba movie (well subtitled of course) and the babe in the story went from heaven to earth to catch her husband cheating. “The thing about women is that they don’t know that all this their wahala will push the man farther from them” Mr. Kalejaiye said. He was trying to tell me that when a woman who still loves her husband even though he’s cheating tries to make him pay, she might completely lose him. Kinda like the movie two can play that game.
I decided that if Layefa made any moves, I wouldn’t deny him of his marital rights. I wanted him too, by the way.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


We were both silent for about ten seconds then i sipped my coffee then said, “All right, let me know when you’re on your way, k?” Coffee does do wonders. After I hung up, I still felt calm for about twenty minutes. I even made two more cups of coffee before I came to my senses. “What the hell? I should be breaking dishes and throwing shit all over the house!” I said out loud. I had every right to be pissed and I was sitting sipping coffee and trying my hardest not to lose it. I didn’t even know what vexed me the most, my car or Layefa. Even if I did overreact this morning, tonight’s misbehavior was definitely worth being paranoid about. Every woman knows that that most affairs begin with “I’m working late”. It was sooo obvious that Layefa never left the office or wherever the hell he was. LASTMA trouble, my fine ass! Dumping my coffee cup in the sink, I stormed out of the kitchen and marched upstairs. When I got to the bedroom, I just buckled to the floor. I sat on the floor by the bedroom door and just wept. It wasn’t sexy sobs oh, it was real real crying!

“Why? Why me?” I cried. Sob. Sob. “He said I’d be safe with him, He said…he said” I stuttered through my tears.

I remembered when I first met Layefa. It was during my second year at Unilag. By then he had already graduated from Yale. He was back home for the NYSC program. As at then I hadn’t had a boyfriend since SS3. Wale, my SS3 boyfriend, shattered my heart so bad that I even promised myself I’d never get married. Thinking about it now, I was probably just spoiled and childish. This was what happened exactly:

Wale and I had been going steady since the Christmas during SS2. He was definitely God’s gift to High school girls. His mom was German so he had that fresh mulatto look. Slick hair, hazel eyes and everything. I met him at one of those house parties we used to have. He was my first boyfriend but I never told anyone that (except Layefa). He literally took my breath away. Even my mom knew how strongly I felt about him. I tried not to show him how much he meant to me but I couldn’t help it. I guess that’s how come he was able to hurt me so.

The heartbreak occurred on our prom night. I waited and waited for hours for him to pick me up. His phone was unreachable; nobody seemed to know where he was. We hadn’t really planned prom together but it was just expected. Like we were so steady, I would have raised an eyebrow if he formally asked me to prom. Anyway, my dad dropped me off at the venue and I sat alone for about another hour before Wale suddenly appeared with some slut from our rival school. Being the popular dude that he was, he caught everyone’s attention for sure. When they were done gaping at Wale and his date, they threw pitiful looks in my direction before everyone went back to their dancing and eating or whatever they were doing. So I went up to him and was like “Where have you been? What’s with you phone?” I was clearly trying to act like I didn’t notice the big-breasted whore by his side. He shrugged and asked casually, “So, where’s your date?” I’m like “Excuse me?” He repeated himself. I stared at him for like a whole minute then he said, “Your dress is nice, by the way”. Stupid ol’ me thought he was joking around or something so I pulled him away from his date and then said, “Wale, who’s the girl? Why did you bring her here?” I don’t know what I expected to hear but I sure as hell wasn’t expecting: “She’s my date naww. She’s hot shey?”. I didnt even code my bewilderment, "What? How? From where?". He said we'd talk later that his date was beginning to look annoyed.
i ran to the bathroom immediately and cried there for awhile before i called my dad to come get me.

That night, Wale called me and told me that he didnt realise i took us so serious that he was just having fun. He said he the girl he brought as his date didnt mean anything to him(later,i heard they did it in their prom ride!) but he didnt think i did too. talk about harsh shey? I didnt blame him. His hotness was definitely getting to his head. Coming from someone who'd just been breathing down my neck while my parents were out the night before telling me how i was 'the one' and how we'd fit perfectly into each other(the perv!), it was all too shocking to hear. I cried for weeks. I vowed never to give another man my all. Until Layefa came along. I told him what Wale had put me through and he assured me i'd be safe with him.He, of all people should understand my paranoia when it comes to men, right?

"Dee? What are you doing on the floor?" Layefa's voice suddenly brought me back to the future. Looking up at his tired eyes, chiseled nose and his sexy mouth, all i could do was sigh.

Monday, October 26, 2009


“Yes?” I answered my secretary Bola over the intercom. “Mrs.Obie is on the line for you, ma’am” She said. Mrs.Obie is the editor-in-chief of Poise. “Please Put her on” I replied. They no go let person rest, I muttered. “Delores, how are you this morning.” Mrs. said. “Good morning, Mrs.Obie” I said, “I’m very well, thanks and you?” “We thank the lord, my dear” She replied. Who’s this one deceiving? I thought. Why’s she now acting all nice and caring? Mschewww, like I didn’t know she tried to get me and Kiki demoted. About two weeks ago, she filed a report to the publishers saying although Kiki and I were working our hardest, we just weren’t experienced enough for our jobs. Wondering how I found out? Her assistant, Mike apparently has a thing for tall girls and couldn’t stand the thought of me leaving the floor. It’s good to have trips in high places, init?
“Christian Laire, the photographer is coming into the country tomorrow morning” Mrs. continued. Why’s she telling me what I already know? “Yes, ma’am. I knew that. His appointment is on Wednesday.” I tied my best not to sound cold. “I was wondering if you could entertain him tomorrow evening. You know, show him some of our rich Lagos night-life”. Ehnnnnn??? Night-life kó, night-life nìí. This woman was just all kinds of crazy. “Me? Ah. I don’t think my husband will like that very much oh” I said as respectfully as I could. (Even if she was a bitch, she was still wayyy older than me). She was silent for about a minute then, “Weeellll, I guess I didn’t remember you were married”. Thank God my mama taught me to respect elders especially bosses. I kept quiet. “In that case….don‘t bother. My intentions weren’t to inconvenience you in any way. I jus thought dinner with one of us would help in cementing the bond we’re trying to form with Mr.Laire”. The guilt trip? Hiss. “Maybe I should get back to you; I might be able to make it after all”, I said lying through my teeth. I remembered what the driver I had growing up used to say- “Yes no dey cause fight”. At least she would be off my case.
She said that would be very kind of me then hung we hung up. It was time to go home!!!
Couldn’t wait to see my baby after all the drama. I gathered my stuff, poked my head into Kiki’s office to say bye then I was off!

“Baby, I’m by The Palms. Where are you?” I said once Layefa picked up the phone. I had never been so excited to see my husband. “Chill lemme call you back. There’s a LASTMA guy in front of me”, He replied. “Oh.Ok.Talk to-”, I was saying as he cut the line. Those Lastma officials could be darn scary so I blew his shirtless picture on my phone a kiss then continued on my way home. The traffic after The Palms was not even a joke at all. Serious bumper to bumper situation. I just kept thanking God for air conditioning and the car stereo. Layefa called me:
“Hey Dee, I’m in trouble oh” he didn’t sound like he was. “Did the LASTMA guy arrest you?” I asked as gently as I could (I wasn’t ready for another lesson on ‘extreme paranoia’). “The fool jus collected all the cash I had. I had to turn back to get more money.” He replied. I wasn’t getting the point. How was he in trouble? “So you’ve turned back? How are you now in trouble?” I said. “Yeah. Akin now called me and asked me where I was. When I told him, he said I should come back to the office oh” he sounded genuinely sad. All I could say was “Oh”. My mouth literally hung open for about thirty seconds. “Babyyy-” he started to say just as the car behind me rammed into my car. “Oh Shit! I’ve been hit! I’ll call you back” I cried breathlessly unfastening my seatbelt.Apparently while i was busy talking to Layefa, other cars were moving. By the time i got out of the car, the idiotic driver had swerved to the mext lane and was driving away. slamming my hands on the car, there was no four-letter word that didnt come out of my mouth.
Meanwhile, Layefa was calling my phone which was inside the car frantically. Some fool driving past yelled, "Move your fucking car bitch! Dents dont stop cars from moving!". I was too weak to even think up a meaner retort. I got back into my car and spde angrily all the way home. How did the road just suddenly become free, i thought. Layefa kept calling but i didnt pick up. I had the feeling i would scream at him if i did. Misplaced anger could cause something else.

finally, i got home. After a shower and a cup of coffee, I called Layefa. "My car is dented oh" i said calmly. coffee does wonders, doesnt it? "Shit! Baby, i'm so sorry!" he replied. "You close?" i asked. I was really missing my husband. "Uh... Wha-...I was- " he stuttered. "Baby, I'm still at work." He finally said.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


"Were you even listening to me?" Kiki said. "sure, i was" i replied straightening in my seat, "I dont even know what to say". "i know oh, my sister." she sighed. that was the moment i realised how lucky i was.For Layefa to go almost 4 years without 'needing a break', i must be real lucky. I knew that i was not an easy person to cope with but i wasnt a monster either. Growing up as an only child, my parents were constantly at my beck and call. they made all the domestic staff respect me like i was the one who employed them. Layefa knew how much things like disrespect and lack of appreciation affected me.I guess that's why i was so angry this morning.Remembering how he acted casually about the whole thing almost made me angry again but i cautioned myself.I should be grateful he's still around,i thought.

"A penny for your thoughts abi should i say a kobo?" Kiki said. Grinning i said, "Do they even make coins in this country again?". She shrugged and said, “Yetunde’s baby shower is on Saturday by the way,did she tell you yet?”. I shook my head. It was no surprise why people felt weird inviting me for baby showers, christenings and kid’s birthdays. They thought that because I did not have a child after being married for over 4 years that the subject might be touchy. How wrong they were. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate children. I’m just not a big fan of having one of my own.Dirty diapers and kids basketball games were sooo not my thing. Thankfully, Layefa doesn’t mind much.And neither do his family.Only God'll probably know how thankful i am that he doesn’t have any scary family members to chastise me about my childlessness like those razz Africa Magic movies.
“I’m sure she knew you’d pass the message on to me” I said stretching on the sofa. “Uh huh” Kiki replied just as booming sounds of her New Boyz ring tone filled the room. Yep, you heard right. I said New Boyz. Kiki is infantile like that.
“Hello?” she answered quizzically. I guessed the phone number was unfamiliar. “Oh!” she cried, signaling for me to come closer.I scooted off the sofa and hurried to her side. “I see.” She said, pinching my arm. “I can’t hear clearly, put it on speaker” I whispered. She hit the speaker button.
“He would also like to know if you’ll be free tomorrow afternoon for lunch” an emotionless female voice spoke through the phone. “IK??” I mouthed. Shaking her head, kiki mouthed “Tobi”. “Hold on a second while I check my calendar” she said to the lady on the phone. Hitting the ‘hold’ key quickly she turned to me. “should I say yes?”.Tobi went to secondary school with us(He was our senior by far though). Kiki ran into him some weeks back and he'd been trying to put the moves on her ever since. If IK wasnt in the picture i would totally have given my dear friend the green light cuz apparently Tobi was doing pretty well for himself. He was a big shot at Zainee Telecomms.
"Are you crazy? So just cuz IK's misbehaving, you want to misbehave too shey?" i said. "It's just lunch naw.A meal with an old friend" Kiki countered. "Schoolmate not friend" i added. "So i should say no?" she looked like i was asking her to chop off her arm. "i dont know for you oh. I would say no sha" i replied. kiki restored the call and told Tobi's secretary that she would get back to him.

"Na wa for you oh" Kiki said, "Instead of you to tell me to take a break too,you're telling me this". Kiki was confusing me mehn. Wasnt this the girl that was sighing and lamenting about IK 2 minutes ago? "Na wa for me? You're not serious oh" I said turning on my phone. "You havent seen Tobi that's why you dont understand" Kiki said.

I had a voicemail from Layefa! He's sorry afterall, i thought. "Babes, i'll be right back" i said heading for the door. I needed privacy to play Layefa's voicemail. Dont roll your eyes, abeg.Only me can understand why i felt so giddy.

Saturday, October 17, 2009


Was he for real? Chilling for me to finish vexing? I didn’t even know how to feel. In all our four years of being together, I could only recollect two major squabbles between us. Layefa was just not the guy to drag an issue. And he knew all my pet peeves and was always careful to not cross any of them. Taking a deep breath I said as coldly as I could, “Well, an apology coulda helped, you know. Later sha”. I hung up, turned off my phone and tossed it on the table.
Surprisingly, I felt a whole lot better after that. I settled down to get some work done. I went over the photos for the Genevieve spread in our next month’s issue. This babe is skinny oh, I thought. I managed to completely engross myself with the photos for about an hour and a half. I decided to go chill with Kiki. She always has gist, I thought.

“Baby geh! Whaddit do?” Kiki greeted as I slid into her office. We’d been best friends since secondary school. We came up with the idea of a fashion magazine for the average girl just before we graduated. We got help from our parents and all but it flopped anyway. Our first issue sold only forty-seven copies out of the hundred we budgeted. Anyway, while we were at Uni, some socialite woman stumbled upon a copy and offered us a deal. Our ideas + their money= Poise Magazine. Plus we were guaranteed jobs immediately after graduation.

“I dey oh!” I said plopping down on her sofa. “whatchu doing?” I asked stretching my legs. “Nothing serious oh” she replied flipping her laptop shut. “So, how was the weekend? How’s Uncle?” she continued crossing her legs on her table. I have no idea why she calls Layefa ‘uncle’ but I’ve gotten used to it. “We just chilled at home. Didn’t even go to church” I replied. I was almost tempted to tell her about Layefa’s misbehavior but I controlled myself like I did the other two times we had squabbles. Kiki is my bestest friend in the whole wide world but I just feel weird talking 2 her about Layefa. It felt natural talking to her about my exes but Layefa was different. I guess I wasn’t interested in hearing anyone but me criticize him.
“I don’t blame you jare” I would chill with IK an entire weekend if I could. Laughing I said, “Who says you cant?” I already knew the answer: "uh...Mr.Bello?" kiki said. i gave her an apologetic smile. kiki's dad, Mr.Bello, refused to see her for what she really is;a grown woman. He banned her from moving into or even sleeping over at IK's house.
"IK should hurry up and show the ring sef" i said. "sheyy, i hope he still plans to though", Kiki said in a soft voice. something was wrong somewhere. Kiki was not the type to talk about her boyfriend quietly. she was the type that would get all hyper and excited at the mention of his name.
"You ok?" i asked sitting up. she heaved a deep sigh then said, "It's like something in the air's messing with all the good guy's brains". my eyes almost pooped out of my head. What the hell was she talking about? I hadnt told her about Layefa so Ik had to be the problem. "Except Layefa, ofcourse" she quickly added before i could ask her what happened. a weak smile escaped my lips. She then went on to tell me how Ik had been talking about needing space recently and how her sister's husband suddenly took a 'break' from their family. "You better not let Layefa go" she concluded.By this time my mind had wandered far away. "huh? wha-?" i stammered bouncing back into reality.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Hitting my alarm clock firmly, I grudgingly got out of bed. The alarm had been ringing for almost ten minutes. Slipping on my slippers, I headed for the bathroom. I noticed Layefa had already gotten out of bed. Strange, I thought. My husband, Layefa, had never been a morning person. I practically have to drag him out of bed every morning.
“Baby? You there?” I called pushing open the bathroom door. I found myself staring at my reflection in the mirror. Layefa was not in the bathroom. I quickly brushed my teeth, rinsed my face and headed out of the bedroom.
“Baby!” I called from the top of the stairs. Every moment seemed even stranger because the entire house felt silent. I couldn’t even hear Layefa’s footsteps. Stealing a glance at wall clock in the hallway, I hurriedly went to get ready for work. After I had showered and thrown on a shirt and slacks, I still hadn’t seen or worse, heard Layefa. Fear started to kick in, so I dialed his cell phone number as I walked down the stairs. The truth of the matter was I was scared he was lying unconscious in the kitchen or something like that. When he finally picked up after what seemed like a thousand rings, I breathlessly cried, “Baby! Where the hell are you?” “Morning, Dee. I just got to work now. I’m parking my car.”, He replied calmly like all was well. All was certainly not well if my husband for about 1200 days suddenly decides he wants to be an early riser without telling me!
“What? Why? I don’t understand” I stammered. His calm tone was irritating me more than he could ever imagine. Even if a person decided he wants to work on his new year’s resolution of waking up early in August, it doesn’t mean he should get to work before the doors open, does it? Hiss. “I got up early and I was like what the hell I might as well be heading for work already” Layefa said, like he was explaining as gently as he possibly could. “Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving? Didn’t you think I’d be worried?” I said with voice rising. “Why would you be worried? Where else would I go on a Monday morning?” he said as if I was crazy. “What the-”. Is this guy mad? How dare he suggest that I was stupid to worry? I’ve chopped in my life oh. So much for caring about your husband. “Seriously though, your paranoia getting extreme, Dee” he continued adding that he had to go but would call me back later.
“Oh no he didn’t!” I muttered flinging my phone to the floor. I stomped to the kitchen to start my coffee. Coffee is turning out to be my new best friend. Really. I remembered those days when Layefa and I were like twins. We were so inseparable. I didn’t need coffee then. All I had to do was hold on to the number 2 button (even my mom’s speed dial was number three!) on my mobile phone and Layefa’s ‘sup shaaawty’ would make everything better. As I poured my coffee, I wondered what could have warranted such arrant disrespect from my usually considerate Layefa.

“Hey Delores!” Tunde from accounting called, spotting me as the elevator doors opened. I held the elevator while he hurried to meet me. “Tunde, how far now?” I greeted as he slipped into the elevator. “I dey oh. How was your weekend?” he replied all smiles. The guy was just cheery fellow. His niceness got on my nerves sometimes but I couldn’t help returning his courtesies. “It was alright. Yours?” I said. “I went to Abuja with my nephew for the NSSBC. He even won the MVP award.” He replied smiling p to his eyes. Eeyahh, how nice. I thought. “Awww. That’s nice. Which one is NSSBC again?” I said trying my best to seem genuinely happy. After Layefa’s drama that morning, even Basketmouth would have a hard time trying to get me to smile.
“Basketball championship. It really was nice.” Tunde replied. I nodded just as the elevator door opened on my floor. “See you around” Tunde called as I waved goodbye.
I practically ran to my office to escape any more how was your weekends.
After I was settled in the safety of my office, I pulled out my mobile phone. I was almost tempted to call Layefa and give him a piece of my mind. I waited for him to call me back all through the drive from our house to my office. He didn’t. And the drive wasn’t some fast fifteen minute drive oh. I sat in my car, stuck in traffic for over an hour listening to Dan foster bitch about football players on Inspiration FM. My darling husband did not call me oh. Well, if he wasn’t gonna call me, I wouldn’t either. He needed to know how vexed I was. Now I know why people say that those we care about the most are the ones that have the power to hurt us.
I paced about my office for a few minutes before anger got the better of me. I snatched my phone from the table and called Layefa.
“You said you were gonna call me” I said once he picked up. “Hey baby!” he answered like I hadn’t said anything. Did he really not know how big of a deal this was to me?
“You didn’t call me back.” I said again. “Oh. Yeah. I’m still working on those Fashola files” he said, “Besides; I was chilling for you to finish vexing”.